Thursday, June 20, 2013

Where's All The T&A???

Before you get your pants all in a twist, I'm not talking about what you think I am.

Well, not totally at least. Where have all the Traps and Asses gone??

Kelsi and I just made a 28-hour drive to spend a few days at her home in Ohio and had a very nice time. The drive went perfectly and the event we attended was great. During the 28 hours we drove we obviously made quite a few stops; when you're sucking down caffeine faster than you can spell it, you're going to have to pee a lot. During the entire trip, I couldn't help but notice that something significant was missing from essentially every person we encountered: any semblance of muscle mass.

There were skinny people and there were fat people. Short people and tall people. People who looked athletic and people who had not moved off of their couch for the entirety of their lives. Whether or not you use weights to train for sports, to look good naked or to be healthier there are certain adaptations that will happen to your body: your ass will get bigger, your traps/shoulders/chest will get bigger, and (unless you never actually hold a bar) your forearms will get bigger. Assuming that you don't train like a chuckledick, these adaptations will 100% occur. So, why then, are they missing consistently in most of our population? Well, just about everyone is fat. Or skinny fat. And they certainly don't know how to move athletically.

I just read that the American Medical Association has officially classified obesity as a disease, so that's great. While fat people keep getting fatter, the information presented to the public doesn't do them a lick of fucking good. You know why? Because they tell them that 20-minutes of raking leaves counts as exercise. Because the fucking food pyramid that people are supposed to use to guide their eating habits tells them that the majority of their diet should be made up of grains and that meat and fat is bad for them.

Oh, well it looks like that's working out well for America so far, huh? People keep getting fatter and costing us more money in medical bills and the government tells people to eat a bunch of cereal and do for a brisk 10 minute walk 4-5 times per week.

Can we please just all get our heads out of our sphincters? Eat stuff that came out of the ground. Go lift some fucking weights and run and jump a little bit. Either God or Darwin was kind enough to provide us with a "brain" to use to figure things out, please respect what they did and USE it. I'll help a little bit:

- If you're fat, stop eating all the shitty food-like-products that your diet consists of and go do some squats.
- If you're so thin and weak that you aren't strong enough to carry your laundry upstairs, please go eat a steak and do some squats.
- If your head sits atop some big ol' traps and you wear sweatpants/yoga pants all the time because your ass won't fit into your jeans, please spread the word about the health benefits of a barbell to the poor souls you encounter on the street.

Have a great day and please go lift something heavy.

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